ODE TO A BROKEN WINDOW…OR TWO

by Shelagh Shapiro

Dedicated to Callum, “Mr. Driver,” and to Jim Goudie

Offered the chance of a lifetime

Through luck and hard work and gaul,

A group of boys from the US

Once flew to England for football

The trip was packed with action

Between trainings and food and games

We saw all the sites then stayed up all night,

Then got up and started again.

Our guides were the best in the UK

Quiet Georgie (whose quips pack a punch)

And Rob, tallest guide in all London,

We could find from afar after lunch.

Each day we were driven by Callum,

Who handled that bus like a cinch.

He took us all over the country

and parked anywhere in a pinch.

On the back of that bus were card games,

One seemed to be called “BS”

But the words heard most often were more tame:

The “1, 2, 3, 4!” yelled by Jess.

In London we saw Buckingham palace,

The queen in, as flag was full mast.

When she didn’t come out, though, to greet us,

We moved on as a group, very fast.

The next stop was also exciting,

Where armed men protected a palace.

And when Maria made the young guard laugh.

She did not mean at all to be callous.

The matches we saw made us cheer

Confident of a home team blockbuster

But all hopes were dashed by Juventus

Who beat Arsenal, then tied Manchester.

When seeing the sites in old London

Rob and Georgie did trivia tell

Now we know that the clock’s in the tower

And that Big Ben is really the bell.

We learned clever facts on our tour,

like the butchers who play on Wednesdays,

and the half-English, half-Welsh Chester pitch,

and the stadiums needing the sun’s rays.

Sightseeing was ever an adventure

We lost Roshi and Sebastian just once.

And Maria’s words had to be censored

When her boys got all wet before lunch.

We had thought that we speak the language

But it’s different if you’re from the “Souf”

And pasta is pasta, tomato, tomahto,

So let’s call the whole Fing Off.

Some of the terms are amusing

Brilliant, unlucky and rubbish, a hoot.

While others are a little confusing.

Do you store all your boots in the boot?

The Bramall Lane tour was a highlight

With a guide of bright tenacity.

And Manchester United was a real site,

with incredible 76K capacity.

Some of the lore was quite sad:

The Flowers of Manchester, ill-fated.

While some stories inspired the whole group:

Best, Beckham, and Scholles all high-rated.

Perhaps the tour’s most treasured troopers

Were the siblings whose tempers stayed even.

Alexis and Karen and Jessy

And our most talented keeper, Stephen.

Our guest players from Florida and Mass

Had fun but were perhaps a bit rankled

As Sebastian did cut his foot badly

And Jordy disjointed his ankle.

But also he did catch a football

In the first match we went out to see

So he can’t say it wasn’t fantastic

To go to England with the Nordic Team.

In Chester, a ghost haunts the hotel

And also a baby does wail.

Our kids lay a diligent stakeout

And followed the harrowing trail.

To room 303, then 301,

where guides in the closet did hide

The boys hunted the elusive spook

Til Rob, too, of fright nearly died.

In keeping with our US repute

We shopped England both high and low

New Arsenal jerseys, and ManU

And names from Giggs to Ronaldo.

Cuisine in England is quite different

At night it’s a pint that you’ll sip

And bangers and mash are delicious

But most celebrated are fish and chips

We came here the most for the footfall

Our boys played their hearts out, it’s true.

The games were exciting, the spirit, delighting

And at Dartford we won, 3 to 2.

Moms and Dads had a blast here in England

One Janet, two Daves, Mark, two Kathys

Jazz and Shelagh and Lynn were here solo

And Geoff and Maria spoke Lebanese.

Before ending, we tip hats to a man

Who from sidelines advice does lend.

Ross Duncan is coach to our sons

But to each of them also a friend.

To the boys we extend a big Thank You

If you did not play we’d be home.

So thanks to Andrew, Brett, Danny and Jordy

To Sebastian and to Aaron.

Thanks too to Matty and Stiles and Ken

Roshi, Matt Goudie and Stephen as well.

You’ve made a fine team here in England

And you’ll have many great stories to tell.